Self-remembering
A technique from The Book of Secrets (Vigyan Bhairav Tantra)
Sutra:
Oh Lotus-eyed one, sweet of touch, when singing, seeing, tasting, be aware you are and discover the ever-living.
We are living, but we are not
aware that we are or that we are living. There is no
self-remembering. You are eating or you are taking a bath or
you are taking a walk: you are not aware that you are while
walking. Everything is, only you are not. The trees, the
houses, the traffic, everything is. You are aware of
everything around you, but you are not aware of your own
being - that you are. You may be aware of the whole world,
but if you are not aware of yourself that awareness is
false. Why? Because your mind can reflect everything, but
your mind cannot reflect you. If you are aware of yourself,
then you have transcended the mind.
Your self-remembering cannot be reflected in your mind
because you are behind the mind. It can reflect only things
which are in front of it. You can just see others, but you
cannot see yourself. Your eyes can see everyone, but your
eyes cannot see themselves. If you want to see yourself you
will need a mirror. Only in the mirror can you see yourself,
but then you will have to stand in front of the mirror. If
your mind is a mirror, it can reflect the whole world. It
cannot reflect you because you cannot stand before it. You
are always behind, hidden behind the mirror.
This technique says while doing anything - singing, seeing,
tasting - be aware that you are and discover the
ever-living, and discover within yourself the current, the
energy, the life, the ever-living. But we are not aware of
ourselves.
Gurdjieff used self-remembering as a basic technique in the
West. The self-remembering is derived from this sutra. The
whole Gurdjieffian system is based on this one sutra.
Remember yourself, whatsoever you are doing. It is very
difficult. It looks very easy, but you will go on
forgetting. Even for three or four seconds you cannot
remember yourself. You will have a feeling that you are
remembering, and suddenly you will have moved to some other
thought. Even with this thought that "Okay, I am remembering
myself," you will have missed, because this thought is not
self-remembering.
In self-remembering there will be no thought; you will be
completely empty. And self-remembering is not a mental
process. It is not that you say, "Yes, I am." Saying "Yes, I
am," you have missed. This is a mind thing, this is a mental
process: "I am." Feel "I am," not the words "I am." Don′t
verbalize, just feel that you are. Don′t think, FEEL! Try
it. It is difficult, but if you go on insisting it happens.
While walking, remember you are, and have the feeling of
your being, not of any thought, not of any idea. Just feel.
I touch your hand or I put my hand on your head: don′t
verbalize. Just feel the touch, and in that feeling feel not
only the touch, but feel also the touched one. Then your
consciousness becomes double-arrowed. You are walking under
trees: the trees are there, the breeze is there, the sun is
rising. This is the world all around you; you are aware of
it. Stand for a moment and suddenly remember that you are,
but don′t verbalize. Just feel that you are. This nonverbal
feeling, even if for only a single moment, will give you a
glimpse – a glimpse which no LSD can give you, a glimpse
which is of the real. For a single moment you are thrown
back to the center of your being. You are behind the mirror;
you have transcended the world of reflections; you are
existential.
And you can do it at any time. It doesn′t need any special
place or any special time. And you cannot say, "I have no
time." When eating you can do it, when taking a bath you can
do it, when moving or sitting you can do it – anytime. No
matter what you are doing, you can suddenly remember
yourself, and then try to continue that glimpse of your
being.
It will be difficult. One moment you will feel it is there,
the next moment you will have moved away. Some thought will
have entered, some reflection will have come to you, and you
will have become involved in the reflection. But don′t be
sad and don′t be disappointed. This is so because for lives
together we have been concerned with the reflections. This
has become a robot-like mechanism. Instantly, automatically,
we are thrown to the reflection. But if even for a single
moment you have the glimpse, it is enough for the beginning.
And why is it enough? Because you will never get two moments
together. Only one moment is with you always. And if you can
have the glimpse for a single moment, you can remain in it.
Only effort is needed - a continuous effort is needed. A
single moment is given to you. You cannot have two moments
together, so don′t worry about two moments. You will always
get only one moment. And if you can be aware in one moment,
you can be aware for your whole life. Now only effort is
needed, and this can be done the whole day.
Whenever you remember, remember yourself:
Oh Lotus-eyed one, sweet of touch, when singing, seeing, tasting, be aware you are and discover the ever-living.
When the sutra says "Be aware you are", what will you do?
Will you remember that, "My name is Ram" or "Jesus" or
something else? Will you remember that you belong to such
and such a family, to such and such a religion and
tradition? To such and such a country and caste and creed?
Will you remember that you are a communist or a Hindu or a
Christian? What will you remember?
The sutra says be aware you are; it simply says "You are".
No name is needed, no country is needed. Let there be simple
existence: you are! So don′t say to yourself who you are.
Don′t answer that, "I am this and that." Let there be simple
existence, that you are. But it becomes difficult because we
never remember simple existence. We always remember
something which is just a label, not existence itself.
Whenever you think about yourself, you think about your
name, religion, country, many things, but never the simple
existence that you are. You can practice this: relaxing in a
chair or just sitting under a tree, forget everything and
feel this "you-are-ness." No Christian, no Hindu, no
Buddhist, no Indian, no Englishman, no German - simply, you
are.
Have the feeling of it, and then it will be easy for you to remember what this sutra says:
Be aware you are and discover the ever-living.
And the moment you are aware that you are, you are thrown
into the current of the ever-living. The false is going to
die; only the real will remain.
That is why we are so much afraid of death: because the
unreal is going to die. The unreal cannot be forever, and we
are attached to the unreal, identified with the unreal. You
as a Hindu will have to die; you as Ram or Krishna will have
to die; you as a communist, as an atheist, as a theist, will
have to die; you as a name and form will have to die. And if
you are attached to name and form, obviously the fear of
death will come to you, but the real, the existential, the
basic in you, is deathless.
Once the forms and names are forgotten, once you have a look within to the nameless and the formless, you have moved into the eternal:
Be aware you are and discover the ever-living.
This technique is one of the most helpful, and it has been
used for millennia by many teachers, masters. Buddha used
it, Mahavira used it, Jesus used it, and in modern times
Gurdjieff used it. Among all the techniques, this is one of
the most potential. Try it. It will take time; months will
pass. When Ouspensky was learning with Gurdjieff, for three
months he had to make much effort, arduous effort, in order
to have a glimpse of what self-remembering is. So
continuously, for three months, Ouspensky lived in a
secluded house just doing only one thing - self-remembering.
Thirty persons started that experiment, and by the end of
the first week twenty-seven had escaped; only three
remained. The whole day they were trying to remember - not
doing anything else, just remembering that "I am."
Twenty-seven felt they were going crazy. They felt that now
madness was just near, so they escaped. They never turned
back; they never met Gurdjieff again. Why? As we are,
really, we are mad. Not remembering who we are, what we are,
we are mad, but this madness is taken as sanity. Once you
try to go back, once you try to contact the real, it will
look like craziness, it will look like madness. Compared to
what we are, it is just the reverse, the opposite. If you
feel that this is sanity, that will look like madness.
But three persisted. One of the three was P. D. Ouspensky.
For three months they persisted. Only after the first month
did they start having glimpses of simply being – of "I am."
After the second month, even the "I" dropped, and they
started having the glimpses of "am-ness" – of just being,
not even of "I", because "I" is also a label. The pure being
is not "I" and "thou"; it just is. And by the third month
even the feeling of "am-ness" dissolved because that feeling
of am-ness is still a word. Even that word dissolves. Then
you are, and then you know what you are. Before that point
comes you cannot ask, "Who am I?" Or you can go on asking
continuously, "Who am I", just continuously inquiring, "Who
am I ? Who am I?", and all the answers that will be provided
by the mind will be found false, irrelevant. You go on
asking, "Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?" and a point comes
where you can no more ask the question. All the answers fall
down, and then the question itself falls down and
disappears. And when even the question, "Who am I?"
disappears, you know who you are.
Gurdjieff tried from one corner: just try to remember you
are. Ramana Maharshi tried from another corner. He made it a
meditation to ask, to inquire, "Who am I?" And don′t believe
in any answers that the mind can supply. The mind will say,
"What nonsense are you asking? You are this, you are that,
you are a man, you are a woman, you are educated or
uneducated, rich or poor." The mind will supply answers, but
go on asking. Don′t accept any answer because all the
answers given by the mind are false. They are from the
unreal part of you. They are coming from words, they are
coming from scriptures, they are coming from conditioning,
they are coming from society, they are coming from others.
Go on asking. Let this arrow of "Who am I?" penetrate deeper
and deeper. A moment will come when no answer will come.
That is the right moment. Now you are nearing the answer.
When no answer comes, you are near the answer because mind
is becoming silent - or you have gone far away from the
mind.
When there will be no answer and a vacuum will be created
all around you, your questioning will look absurd. Whom are
you questioning? There is no one to answer you. Suddenly,
even your questioning will stop. With the questioning, the
last part of the mind has dissolved because this question
was also of the mind. Those answers were of the mind and
this question was also of the mind. Both have dissolved, so
now YOU ARE.
Try this. There is every possibility, if you persist, that
this technique can give you a glimpse of the real - and the
real is ever-living.